Current Mood: =-?

Motivation is an enigma to me. I can't seem to really nail down what the ingredients are to motivating myself. Sometimes it takes a clever ruse in my own head, tricking myself into hard work under the pretense that something good and most likely trivial will follow. Others, I have to consider the consequences of inaction. Still other times I find it's simply a switch that I can turn on at a spontaneous whim.

These, and others, are ways I've retroactively looked back and said "yes, that is what motivated me this past time. Perhaps it will motivate me in other similar situations. I shall try them." The problem is there doesn't seem to be any correlation between situations and their motivational solutions. I'll try any number of those techniques to help myself out, but to no avail most of the time. It's so odd to me: to want to be motivated to do something but not actually be motivated? I mean, I am by definition telling myself "I would like this to be done," and then I somehow lack the interest and drive to actually do anything about it.

I am lying to myself somewhere in that thought process. The key is to figure out where. Clearly I don't want to do the things I'm trying to do, or I'm not as willing to do the work required as I thought. Or, I need to crack the code. Either way, I need to do something fast. College doesn't graduate itself... or something like that.

This is essentially a college-aged high school xanga post. ":( i don't know who i am :( cmmnt plz!"