Motivation is an enigma to me. I can't seem to really nail down what the ingredients are to motivating myself. Sometimes it takes a clever ruse in my own head, tricking myself into hard work under the pretense that something good and most likely trivial will follow. Others, I have to consider the consequences of inaction. Still other times I find it's simply a switch that I can turn on at a spontaneous whim.
These, and others, are ways I've retroactively looked back and said "yes, that is what motivated me this past time. Perhaps it will motivate me in other similar situations. I shall try them." The problem is there doesn't seem to be any correlation between situations and their motivational solutions. I'll try any number of those techniques to help myself out, but to no avail most of the time. It's so odd to me: to want to be motivated to do something but not actually be motivated? I mean, I am by definition telling myself "I would like this to be done," and then I somehow lack the interest and drive to actually do anything about it.
I am lying to myself somewhere in that thought process. The key is to figure out where. Clearly I don't want to do the things I'm trying to do, or I'm not as willing to do the work required as I thought. Or, I need to crack the code. Either way, I need to do something fast. College doesn't graduate itself... or something like that.
This is essentially a college-aged high school xanga post. ":( i don't know who i am :( cmmnt plz!"
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Message in a Bottle
Dear Scarlett Johansson,
You may not know me, but I've seen about half of your movies. I am what I consider to be a mediocre fan. The Island was not your best work. I was wondering... would you want to fly down to east-central Illinois (it's a state between LA and NY. Don't worry about it.) and have a threesome with me and my girlfriend? Don't concern yourself with lodgings, we will provide. Yes, my house has no air conditioning, and is populated by 5 other guys who will most likely make advances on you, but there is plenty here that will offset that. We have a beer pong table, a great ham and egg bagel, and a wii! After the rampant threesome, we will take you out on the town here in Champaign-Urbana. We'll head to the popular bars, but make sure to pack closed toe shoes; the floor can get a bit sticky. Followed by a hearty breakfast, and perhaps a quickie before your flight.
I am trusting that this letter will find you, and I'm hoping that you will at least take a moment to consider it. I'll tell you one thing: I'd definitely go watch that other half of your movies if you came.
Sincerely,
Paul Casperson (and Teresa)
casperson.paul@gmail.com ;-*
You may not know me, but I've seen about half of your movies. I am what I consider to be a mediocre fan. The Island was not your best work. I was wondering... would you want to fly down to east-central Illinois (it's a state between LA and NY. Don't worry about it.) and have a threesome with me and my girlfriend? Don't concern yourself with lodgings, we will provide. Yes, my house has no air conditioning, and is populated by 5 other guys who will most likely make advances on you, but there is plenty here that will offset that. We have a beer pong table, a great ham and egg bagel, and a wii! After the rampant threesome, we will take you out on the town here in Champaign-Urbana. We'll head to the popular bars, but make sure to pack closed toe shoes; the floor can get a bit sticky. Followed by a hearty breakfast, and perhaps a quickie before your flight.
I am trusting that this letter will find you, and I'm hoping that you will at least take a moment to consider it. I'll tell you one thing: I'd definitely go watch that other half of your movies if you came.
Sincerely,
Paul Casperson (and Teresa)
casperson.paul@gmail.com ;-*
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
2008: A Techno Odyssey
I find the progression of the role of technology in our lives incredibly fascinating. Being alive, young, and ready to spend countless hours tinkering with gadgets and computers, I've been technologically minded since my first foray with The Legend of Zelda. From my understanding, which may be skewed due to my young age, The 90's were the first decade in which computers affected society in a major way. Everything from business, home life, even music was altered due to the rise of the personal computer.
A lot of rhetoric I've read from the 90's (and 80's I guess) seemed to postulate that the personal computer was taking over. Calculators were making kids bad at math. Video games were rotting kids brains. Electronic conversation was negating the need for personal interaction. Computers and technology were slowly taking over the "American way of life" and soon we were going to be an entire country/world of people that are completely engulfed by technology; completely losing sight of what it means to be human.
But now we are almost in the 2010's. Technology has changed. Businesses have become smarter. Gadgets and computers are being marketed as "life-aides" instead of "life-changers." The general trend of the products being released nowadays is that they are portable, provide as much information and connection with the internet as possible (for the purpose of obtaining this information whenever you may need it while leading your life), and fast.
It's almost as if products today are made to help you get things done faster so that you have more time to do whats important to you. This would be a big change from the 90's, when everybody first discovered the magic of a personal computer, and the internet. People were fascinated with what these new things could do, the limits and bounds of these new machines. Naturally, people became obsessed and technology boomed.
But what is out today that isn't just a modified and minified version of something released in 1990? Everyone's seen a computer, a laptop, a phone, a music player. Now all of these things are being combined and compressed, but they're still old news. Consumers have gotten bored of PC's, and more importantly used to the idea of them. Now new releases in technology have more of a base of experience to draw from.
Although I'm disappointed by the lack of people-moving walkways and flying cars, I think I'll live with my laptop, xbox 360, and morning coffee and newspaper. There's balance in everything.
A lot of rhetoric I've read from the 90's (and 80's I guess) seemed to postulate that the personal computer was taking over. Calculators were making kids bad at math. Video games were rotting kids brains. Electronic conversation was negating the need for personal interaction. Computers and technology were slowly taking over the "American way of life" and soon we were going to be an entire country/world of people that are completely engulfed by technology; completely losing sight of what it means to be human.
But now we are almost in the 2010's. Technology has changed. Businesses have become smarter. Gadgets and computers are being marketed as "life-aides" instead of "life-changers." The general trend of the products being released nowadays is that they are portable, provide as much information and connection with the internet as possible (for the purpose of obtaining this information whenever you may need it while leading your life), and fast.
It's almost as if products today are made to help you get things done faster so that you have more time to do whats important to you. This would be a big change from the 90's, when everybody first discovered the magic of a personal computer, and the internet. People were fascinated with what these new things could do, the limits and bounds of these new machines. Naturally, people became obsessed and technology boomed.
But what is out today that isn't just a modified and minified version of something released in 1990? Everyone's seen a computer, a laptop, a phone, a music player. Now all of these things are being combined and compressed, but they're still old news. Consumers have gotten bored of PC's, and more importantly used to the idea of them. Now new releases in technology have more of a base of experience to draw from.
Although I'm disappointed by the lack of people-moving walkways and flying cars, I think I'll live with my laptop, xbox 360, and morning coffee and newspaper. There's balance in everything.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Expression
There is something incredibly therapeutic about "making" art. The creation of art uses parts of the brain that are totally different from the parts that govern your everyday life. Playing an instrument is an entirely different action, requiring the other half of your brain, than going to the store or talking to people or calculating a 20% tip. Doodling just feels different than going to work or brushing your teeth. It's an engaging, always changing, and pleasant experience.
I guess it's not the creation of art per se, but rather the expression of oneself.
I've started to pick up a guitar now and then to tool around, with the eventual goal of being somewhat proficient. Despite the fact that I don't actually know very many chords nor do I in any way consider myself a "guitar player," Making music with it was simply wonderful. I felt as if there was a part of me coming out through the notes and rhythms that doesn't normally. I was basically hearing myself think in a much different way than I usually do with my ongoing inner dialog.
Here's to hoping that I'm not the only one with an ongoing inner dialog. *clink*
I get a similar but different feeling from performing. As an aspiring improv comedian, I am up on stage 2-3 times a week creating drama and comedy all at the tip of a hat. There are ideas and
themes and thoughts flowing out of me at an incredible rate. The only way to be successful at harnessing that information to trust that you know how to improv and not focus on the action. To basically open your mind and react as fast as you know how. As a result, a lot of things that an improv performer is thinking about at the time comes out in some way on stage.
Expressing myself in that way is the best feeling I've ever had. Ignoring the rush I get from finding that golden special place in my brain where I've abandoned all thought and am essentially a part of the scene, improv also provides an outlet for the topics on my mind at the moment. Having the opportunity to play out the hypothetical situations I inevitably create for myself during the aforementioned inner dialogs is incredibly refreshing.
Maybe my enjoyment from art (which includes improv by my def) comes from my upbringing. I was always encouraged to play music (piano, trumpet), do theatre (2.5 years of hs, improv in hs and college), and I even went through a drawing phase. I've grown up with art all around me, and therefore the creation of it is something that I enjoy. It's hard for me to imagine a life that does not have a whole lot of creativity in it, it seems like a life I would absolutely hate living. But, that is why I clearly don't.
So if you find yourself regretting how long it's been since you've practiced piano, or tried drawing something, or even written something, then just do it. Gain some balance in your life. Even if it's been years since you've played your instrument, or you don't know how to play one at all, it's still fun.
Enough preaching. Here's a sweet video I just re-found.
I guess it's not the creation of art per se, but rather the expression of oneself.
I've started to pick up a guitar now and then to tool around, with the eventual goal of being somewhat proficient. Despite the fact that I don't actually know very many chords nor do I in any way consider myself a "guitar player," Making music with it was simply wonderful. I felt as if there was a part of me coming out through the notes and rhythms that doesn't normally. I was basically hearing myself think in a much different way than I usually do with my ongoing inner dialog.
Here's to hoping that I'm not the only one with an ongoing inner dialog. *clink*
I get a similar but different feeling from performing. As an aspiring improv comedian, I am up on stage 2-3 times a week creating drama and comedy all at the tip of a hat. There are ideas and
themes and thoughts flowing out of me at an incredible rate. The only way to be successful at harnessing that information to trust that you know how to improv and not focus on the action. To basically open your mind and react as fast as you know how. As a result, a lot of things that an improv performer is thinking about at the time comes out in some way on stage.
Expressing myself in that way is the best feeling I've ever had. Ignoring the rush I get from finding that golden special place in my brain where I've abandoned all thought and am essentially a part of the scene, improv also provides an outlet for the topics on my mind at the moment. Having the opportunity to play out the hypothetical situations I inevitably create for myself during the aforementioned inner dialogs is incredibly refreshing.
Maybe my enjoyment from art (which includes improv by my def) comes from my upbringing. I was always encouraged to play music (piano, trumpet), do theatre (2.5 years of hs, improv in hs and college), and I even went through a drawing phase. I've grown up with art all around me, and therefore the creation of it is something that I enjoy. It's hard for me to imagine a life that does not have a whole lot of creativity in it, it seems like a life I would absolutely hate living. But, that is why I clearly don't.
So if you find yourself regretting how long it's been since you've practiced piano, or tried drawing something, or even written something, then just do it. Gain some balance in your life. Even if it's been years since you've played your instrument, or you don't know how to play one at all, it's still fun.
Enough preaching. Here's a sweet video I just re-found.
Friday, June 6, 2008
A memory is worth a thousand pictures...
I've never really been one for taking and keeping pictures. As a child I adopted the particularly expensive habit of video and trading card games, and therefore put most money and christmas requests towards those, which made sure I never really owned a camera. I've had a few cheap ones in the past, all which I've lost (and were non digital). When at parties it never really occurs to me to stop for photo ops, nor do I go wild over the concept of a camera being aimed at me.
The concept of taking still photos, or movies, of the events happening in my life in order to document them seems to be fairly unimportant to me. I have accrued dismally low amounts of visual memorabilia during the first 21 years of my life; arguably the portion I'd want to document the most (considering all the damage I'm doing to my memory these days). I'm assuming later in life I'd love to sit down and look at pictures of people and things from earlier in my life and reminisce; something I enjoy doing well enough as it is.
However, my photo library is decidedly non-existent despite the full knowledge that I very well may regret it later. I may have been more motivated had everyone else around me not had cameras, but as it stands I'm content looking at other people's pictures. Unfortunately those pictures will not be around forever; facebook will eventually go out of business or lose a large majority of it's database, people will delete their photos or lose them in tragic HDD accidents, or generally just not care enough to carry those photos with them.
And whose to blame them? A large majority of pictures used for nostalgic purposes are fairly mundane. People saying cheese and smiling. Where is the appeal in that? For now it's a great reminder of the events of the past few years ("hey that was a sweet party!" "Oh man I can't believe he had a mohawk!" "haha remember when we Eiffel towered that monkey?") Unfortunately, the locations and circumstances of most of the photos I look at now will be lost to me in a few years. They will simply be a reminder of the people I knew, and the smile I could produce at a moments notice.
If I really cared, I could take slightly more "real" pictures. Pictures of places, people, things that I enjoy. More candid, less planned. Snapshots of my life in reality.
I realize that this may be a common thought and one that has been brooded over quite a bit, which is most likely why photography has such a following.
On the opposite side of things, the side I usually line up on, I think that maybe it's not the worst thing in the world. I remember the things that are memorable, taking with me the lessons those things have taught me, and I forget the rest in favor of more admirable pursuits. While remembering and appreciating the past is very important both for emotional stability as well as self improvement, I believe that only goes so far. At some point attention has to be paid to the present, not to mention the future. It's hard to develop as a person when you brood over the past.
Plus, it's a lot more fun when a memory suddenly comes rushing back unannounced.
The concept of taking still photos, or movies, of the events happening in my life in order to document them seems to be fairly unimportant to me. I have accrued dismally low amounts of visual memorabilia during the first 21 years of my life; arguably the portion I'd want to document the most (considering all the damage I'm doing to my memory these days). I'm assuming later in life I'd love to sit down and look at pictures of people and things from earlier in my life and reminisce; something I enjoy doing well enough as it is.
However, my photo library is decidedly non-existent despite the full knowledge that I very well may regret it later. I may have been more motivated had everyone else around me not had cameras, but as it stands I'm content looking at other people's pictures. Unfortunately those pictures will not be around forever; facebook will eventually go out of business or lose a large majority of it's database, people will delete their photos or lose them in tragic HDD accidents, or generally just not care enough to carry those photos with them.
And whose to blame them? A large majority of pictures used for nostalgic purposes are fairly mundane. People saying cheese and smiling. Where is the appeal in that? For now it's a great reminder of the events of the past few years ("hey that was a sweet party!" "Oh man I can't believe he had a mohawk!" "haha remember when we Eiffel towered that monkey?") Unfortunately, the locations and circumstances of most of the photos I look at now will be lost to me in a few years. They will simply be a reminder of the people I knew, and the smile I could produce at a moments notice.
If I really cared, I could take slightly more "real" pictures. Pictures of places, people, things that I enjoy. More candid, less planned. Snapshots of my life in reality.
I realize that this may be a common thought and one that has been brooded over quite a bit, which is most likely why photography has such a following.
On the opposite side of things, the side I usually line up on, I think that maybe it's not the worst thing in the world. I remember the things that are memorable, taking with me the lessons those things have taught me, and I forget the rest in favor of more admirable pursuits. While remembering and appreciating the past is very important both for emotional stability as well as self improvement, I believe that only goes so far. At some point attention has to be paid to the present, not to mention the future. It's hard to develop as a person when you brood over the past.
Plus, it's a lot more fun when a memory suddenly comes rushing back unannounced.
Monday, June 2, 2008
People Watching
If you really want to see the pure mechanics of what a conversation is, the building blocks of verbal communication, observe a conversation between co-workers at a restaurant at lunch. Or a study group at the beginning of the semester. Really any group of people who don't know each other at all and are trying to make conversation.
Conversation always moves so slow in those situations. Someone will make a statement, another will respond usually in agreement, and if they're lucky a third person will chime in. Then silence. Time to think about what to say next, awkward drink of your water that you absolutely did not need, and then someone makes another statement.
It's so fun and interesting to watch a group of people that are completely uncomfortable in their own bodies. The shifting, inability to look at one another, and a ridiculous obsession with the rice in the plate in front of you. People take very involved sips of their drinks, focusing intently on the glass and it's flight path from the table to their mouths. It's completely obvious that the person drinking is in some way escaping the awkward situation at least for a brief moment; using the fact that he is drinking his drink to hide the fact that he doesn't have anything to say to the group around him. But nobody needs to focus that much on drinking a beverage, and we all know it.
Why do we feel like we have to go through that elaborate charade? Being pleasant is safe, and keeps interaction from being tense, but it's all just a game. What would the world be like if we all went to lunch together and just ate our damn food. If we dont' like each other, why pretend?
The next time my boss talks to me about how hot some random girl on the street is, maybe I won't laugh it off and agree, mabye I'll punch him in the goddamn face. That would feel nice.
Conversation always moves so slow in those situations. Someone will make a statement, another will respond usually in agreement, and if they're lucky a third person will chime in. Then silence. Time to think about what to say next, awkward drink of your water that you absolutely did not need, and then someone makes another statement.
It's so fun and interesting to watch a group of people that are completely uncomfortable in their own bodies. The shifting, inability to look at one another, and a ridiculous obsession with the rice in the plate in front of you. People take very involved sips of their drinks, focusing intently on the glass and it's flight path from the table to their mouths. It's completely obvious that the person drinking is in some way escaping the awkward situation at least for a brief moment; using the fact that he is drinking his drink to hide the fact that he doesn't have anything to say to the group around him. But nobody needs to focus that much on drinking a beverage, and we all know it.
Why do we feel like we have to go through that elaborate charade? Being pleasant is safe, and keeps interaction from being tense, but it's all just a game. What would the world be like if we all went to lunch together and just ate our damn food. If we dont' like each other, why pretend?
The next time my boss talks to me about how hot some random girl on the street is, maybe I won't laugh it off and agree, mabye I'll punch him in the goddamn face. That would feel nice.
Friday, May 30, 2008
3...2...1... GO! *tweet*
It's been an express desire of mine to start writing on a consistent basis for a long time now. I own a xanga that I've written in since I was 16, essentially using it as a glorified diary. Something to write down the events of my day, to catalog random thoughts, and to horde attention from my friends. That was all well and good until I realized that I sounded like a 13 year old girl at times, and frankly I'm pretty scared of internet predators.
Upon this realization I decided it was time to renew my efforts. I was going to be a high brow blogger, come hell or high water! Only ideologies, philosophy, politics, war, and the occasional album recommendation (Radiohead is soooo in right now) were to grace my glorious xanga. I did that for a while only to to discover that posting legitimate thought on xanga is like posting the Communist Manifesto inside a bathroom stall: most people don't get it, and those who do don't really have the time or desire to read it in whilst on the can.
So here I am. Kicking off a (hopefully) worthwhile relationship with blogspot with the infamous "I'm here now lolz!" post. As much as it's cheesy, and way overdone, I think that it's totally necessary. There are so many things and/or events that I attend that I think would be benefited by a buzzer or a whistle or a foghorn. Hell, you could blow a conch shell for all I care. All I usually want is some sort of indication that whatever I'm at or doing is starting. A general notice of "Stop what you were doing to entertain yourself before this thing started, because it's starting... NOW. *tweet*"
If the workday started with a buzzer, I'd probably be on time way more often.
To end my first post, I guess I'll give you a bullet list of things to expect if/when you choose to read this self indulgent webpage. (Did I really just call it a webpage? Am I living in 1995?)
What to expect; a list!
-A horrid misuse of "it's" and "its".
-Lots of parenthetical statements (because they are oh so much fun).
-The occasional drug reference?
-A little bit of rambling on any given topic.
-Disjointed thoughts in single sentences between somewhat thought out points.
-4 posts a week. This is a promise.
-Too many old internet references.
-A sometimes childish outlook on life.
-An obsession with music.
-An obsession with lists.
-A neverending plethora of "big kid words".
-An in-depth look at the thoughts that ruminate in my own head, hopefully in an attempt to make you familiar with myself as a person as well as provide (hopefully) new outlooks on already existing topics.
*tweet*
Upon this realization I decided it was time to renew my efforts. I was going to be a high brow blogger, come hell or high water! Only ideologies, philosophy, politics, war, and the occasional album recommendation (Radiohead is soooo in right now) were to grace my glorious xanga. I did that for a while only to to discover that posting legitimate thought on xanga is like posting the Communist Manifesto inside a bathroom stall: most people don't get it, and those who do don't really have the time or desire to read it in whilst on the can.
So here I am. Kicking off a (hopefully) worthwhile relationship with blogspot with the infamous "I'm here now lolz!" post. As much as it's cheesy, and way overdone, I think that it's totally necessary. There are so many things and/or events that I attend that I think would be benefited by a buzzer or a whistle or a foghorn. Hell, you could blow a conch shell for all I care. All I usually want is some sort of indication that whatever I'm at or doing is starting. A general notice of "Stop what you were doing to entertain yourself before this thing started, because it's starting... NOW. *tweet*"
If the workday started with a buzzer, I'd probably be on time way more often.
To end my first post, I guess I'll give you a bullet list of things to expect if/when you choose to read this self indulgent webpage. (Did I really just call it a webpage? Am I living in 1995?)
What to expect; a list!
-A horrid misuse of "it's" and "its".
-Lots of parenthetical statements (because they are oh so much fun).
-The occasional drug reference?
-A little bit of rambling on any given topic.
-Disjointed thoughts in single sentences between somewhat thought out points.
-4 posts a week. This is a promise.
-Too many old internet references.
-A sometimes childish outlook on life.
-An obsession with music.
-An obsession with lists.
-A neverending plethora of "big kid words".
-An in-depth look at the thoughts that ruminate in my own head, hopefully in an attempt to make you familiar with myself as a person as well as provide (hopefully) new outlooks on already existing topics.
*tweet*
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